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Five Ways Great Leaders Shine the Spotlight on Others

AdVance Leadership » Five Ways Great Leaders Shine the Spotlight on Others

 

Welcome to Friday 411, issue #123. In 4 minutes, with 1 insight and 1 action, you’ll help your team feel honored and respected. 

 

1 Insight: 

The fastest way to grow your influence as a leader isn’t to grab the spotlight—it’s to shine it on someone else. 

 

 When I (Garland) was 15 years old, I had a two-minute conversation that changed my life. 

Going into my sophomore year of high school, I had to change schools. My parents wanted me to attend a small private school. I wanted to go to a big public school. 

To be accepted to the private school, I had to write an essay on why I wanted to attend the school. Instead, I wrote a two-page letter to the principal detailing ten reasons I did not want to go there. 

I sent it off, fully expecting to be rejected. 

Instead, I got a letter congratulating me on my acceptance. I was furious. 

Within a few days at the new school, I started making friends, enjoying my classes, and playing on the soccer team. I was having a great time but wasn’t about to admit this to my parents. 

One afternoon, I was throwing a football in the parking lot with some new friends when someone came up behind me. I turned around and saw the principal —the very man I had written a 500-word rejection letter to. I was terrified. 

With a big smile, he asked, “Garland, are you enjoying your time here?” 

I nodded and told him I was. I shared about the friends I was making and how much I liked the soccer team. 

He looked me in the eye and said, “Garland, you’re a leader. I’m really glad you’re here.” 

And then he walked away. 

That two-minute conversation changed my life. I had never seen myself as a leader before. Something shifted. 

In that moment, I started to see myself differently. I became captain of the soccer team and joined Student Government, launching a few clubs before I graduated. When I started college, I began to study leadership. 

All this because one person spotlighted me. He treated me with honor, dignity, and respect, and it helped me believe something new about myself. 

 

 

How to Lead by Spotlighting Others 

Bad leaders love the spotlight. 

    • They talk more than they listen. 
    • They assume they’re the smartest person in the room. 
    • They believe their power means they deserve more attention. 

This kind of pride doesn’t just annoy your team—it slowly destroys trust, motivation, and morale. 

Unleashed leaders do the opposite. Instead of making leadership about themselves, they spotlight others. 

    • They look for ways to make people feel seen, honored, and appreciated. 
    • They use their influence to help others shine. 
    • They believe that each person carries sparks of genius that can be drawn out. 

That’s what real leadership character looks like—humility that lifts others up. 

And it works. We can’t promise every moment of spotlighting will change someone’s life forever, like my interaction with the principal. But we can promise it will make a difference. 

 

 

The Spotlight Effect  

Here’s why spotlighting others works so well: 

Imagine walking into a room full of strangers. How do you feel? 

If you’re in the 0.000001% of people who live for that moment, good for you. But for the rest of us, it’s awful. You feel awkward. Self-conscious. Like everyone is watching you and judging you. Shriveling, you wonder if you have spinach in your teeth. 

It feels like a giant spotlight is shining right on your inadequacies. 

Psychologists actually have a name for this. It’s called the spotlight effect—the belief that people are paying way more attention to you than they actually are. Pair that with the illusion of transparency—the feeling that people can see exactly what you’re thinking and feeling—and you’ve got a recipe for massive, uncomfortable self-consciousness. 

But here’s the truth: no one is thinking about you. They’re all thinking about themselves. Everyone believes they’re in the spotlight. They all feel just as awkward and exposed as you do. 

As a leader, you can use the spotlight effect to your advantage. Instead of believing that you’re in the spotlight, shine it on others. Pay attention to them in ways that make them feel seen, heard, and honored. 

 

 

Five Ways to Spotlight Others 

Based on that two-minute interaction with my high school principal, here are five practical ways to spotlight others:  

 

1. Give Them Your Undivided Attention.

My principal was a busy leader. But for two minutes, he made me feel like I was the only person on his schedule. 

Put down your phone. Turn off notifications. Close your laptop. Look people in the eye. 

If you can’t give someone your full attention, be honest about it. Say: “I want to give you my full attention, but I can’t right now. Can we talk a little later when I can focus fully on you?” 

That kind of respect goes a long way.

 

2. See Their Potential Before They Do.

My principal called me a leader before I ever saw it in myself. 

Goethe said, “When we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.” 

Spotlight someone’s potential and they’ll rise to meet it.

 

3. Tell Them You’re Glad They’re Here.

My principal could have reminded me about my letter. He could have teased me because I told him I didn’t want to be there. 

Instead, he just said, “I’m glad you’re here.” That one line told me I belonged. 

Tell your team members that you’re glad that you’re working together. It’s not cheesy, it’s essential. People need to know that their presence matters.

 

4. Ask About Their Experiences and Opinions.

Over the next few years, my principal would ask me about my classes, my family, my frustrations. When a friend of mine got expelled, he invited me into his office and let me vent. He would stop me in the halls and ask what could make the school better (less homework, of course!). 

That kind of curiosity shows people they matter. 

Try asking: 

    • What excites you most about your work right now? 
    • What’s one thing you wish you could change? 
    • What do you love to do outside of work? 
    • Where do you feel like you make the biggest difference?

 

5. Turn Toward Emotional Bids.

Dr. John Gottman found the #1 predictor of a healthy marriage is turning toward emotional bids. But this applies to leadership too. 

Emotional bids happen whenever someone communicates with you. They aren’t simply seeking to share information. Rather, they want connection. 

When a coworker says, “This project is stressing me out,” they’re not just stating a fact. They’re inviting you in. You can either turn against them (“Well, it’s your job”), turn away (“Uh-huh”), or turn toward (“That sounds tough—want to talk about it?”). 

Turn toward people to spotlight them. 

 

1 Action: 

Think of one person you lead or work with. This week, spotlight them. Give them your full attention, call out their potential, or just tell them you’re glad they’re here. Then watch what happens. 

 

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